In case you didn’t know, I live in Singapore.
That’s a really long way away from where I lived the bulk of my life. It’s not far from places I’ve lived before – the Philippines, Hong Kong, Macau. So, Singapore is a familiar place. It’s also a familiar feeling to not belong and to live in a constant state of not quite understanding the world around me. As I told my brother-in-law when we asked me why I wanted to live overseas, “Because I feel normal when I don’t fit in.”
Singapore is a comfortable place to live. The systems are reliable and logical. In general, the people are polite and accepting. I can find practically anything I want. I have friends here, nice neighbors, a good church. My kids are happy at school. Brian likes his job and the crew of internationals he works with. I go through my days without much thought to where I actually live and how far I am from the people I cherish the most and the culture that I am most familiar with. That’s 90% of life.
Then there’s a day like today when I get a newsy email from my mom about wind howling, temp’s dropping, the college kids they are collecting for Thanksgiving, that dad is playing Santa this year for families, etc. Nothing noteworthy yet the tears fall and suddenly I know I am really, really far away.
And I let the tears fall. I take a moment and sob like a baby because it hurts deep inside. That’s the 10% of life.
Then I get a tissue, blow my nose and wipe tears, and put away the groceries. The moment’s gone. That’s why, to be honest, its really more like 5% because I don’t spend much time dwelling in that space.
But I’ll stick with the 90-10 Principle because it is easier to say than the 95-5 Principle. Plus, 95.5 is a radio station in the Detroit Metro area and I don’t need another reminder of home.
Bash Journeys 
I feel that way too. Like, all of a sudden, it will hit me that James won’t have grandparents oooh and ahhhing over him as he blows out his first birthday candles. But then he cries, naptime is over, and I move on. But it aches a little inside. Or a lot… depending on the moment.
Jessie, thanks for putting into words what my life has been/is like. I hear you and I cry too, that 10% of the time.
Yup. That’s life on the other side of the world from our families. Thanks for sharing it. It’s good to take the time to let our souls feel it, isn’t it ? It’s important to mourn what we lose in the distance, but also find joy in what we gain in a new place. A constant balance.
So good. So true.